Left Behind

I am not an early adopter of the World Wide Web. This may surprise you but there are people out there who are poorer than poor. I was one of those people. My mother, despite her best attempts, was fairly neglectful. I could ruminate about all of the possibilities that led her to being reclusive but we would end up walking in circles. At the end of the day she was lonely, depressed and trapped in a shitty marriage. Nonetheless I still had the occasional access to the wild, wild west of internet culture.

Back then the triple W’s were far more interesting. Small websites, personal sites, niche community sites (pre social media), fucking forums. You guys ever done roleplay on a forum before? Don’t. We are all weirdo’s. We didn’t get internet in the house until I was 14. Well, that’s not entirely true. We had it on and off. There was even a time when I had my own hand-me-down apple computer that I used to rip music (shoutout Limewire), play Runescape and eventually ruin my developmental years with unfiltered access to porn on demand (thanks XNXX). However those stints lasted less than a year before my parents would inevitably default on their payments (a habit I am trying to break).

When I was 14 my sister started to pay for internet. That too only lasted about a year or two because when she moved out it went with her. Anyway, during that time there was this cool new website everyone in school was flocking too. Myspace.

I loved it. The freedom to customize my profile how I liked is what inspired me to learn HTML in the first place. Did I say it was new? That’s only partially true. It wasn’t new to everyone else who had signed up nearly 2 years earlier. That’s sort of my thing. Coming into things a little late. By the time I got comfortable, most people were switching to Facebook. I fucking hated and still hate Facebook. Soulless. Corporate. It lacked and still lacks the creativity and imagination of its users in favor of algorithmically suggested content.

I was 17 and already I felt like I was being left behind. I eventually did migrate over and if you are serious about your internet history then you know Myspace rebranded as a social media site for musicians. It’s bad. The site just isn’t the same.

Since I turned 18 I had been active on social media. What started off as simple shit posting then spun into a desire to be seen and noticed. Slowly but surely the interactions I got slowed as the algorithm got more complex and before I realized it, not even my friends and family were seeing the things I was making, doing or loving. I was screaming into a void. And now it feels like that is my default mode. Scroll. Scream into void.

Now I’m 35. I struggle with validation seeking and I feel very alone. I don’t like the current trends of short form content because my brain doesn’t process that content the way it does with something that has meat on its bones. I don’t want fast food. I want a steak dinner. But the writing is on the walls. I’d be crazy to think that it is just that, a trend. Just like I’d be crazy to think that AI isn’t going to be the “New Thing”. Because it is and it’s eating everything it comes across. Maybe I have a love for that wild west moment the internet use to be. Maybe I am not a “hustler”. Maybe I am getting old, a lot older, and this is what it feels like to be left behind. Maybe that’s why the older we get the more conservative we are… allegedly, if that ever happens to me I think I’d rather be shot. Maybe I’m just too soft for Gen Pop.

Either way, I needed change. I needed to get away from the rage baiting, distance myself from the hate spew (especially with transphobia, for fuck sakes just tell me you’re too stupid to comprehend Social Constructs, you don’t have to be a bigot about it). I’m hoping this website will be the fresh thing I am looking for. A project that will make me feel like a kid again. Something that is all mine and no one can tell me what to say or do with it. A place where I can post all the long form content I want, where I don’t need to worry about statistics or an algorithm.

Fuck AI, fuck big tech, fuck Algos.